Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
