fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
