Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
