just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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