im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize