i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
