we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
