then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
