I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need water and some morals
Randomize
