allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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