Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
