i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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