i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
