Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She's JV to your varsity
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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