Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
