You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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