Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
