dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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