I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
