I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
