Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
