Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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