between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
