NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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