i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you had me at cake vodka
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
