I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
