I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I could make wine with my vomit
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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