My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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