i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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