I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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