Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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