Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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