Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
