You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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