The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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