So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
