I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
