There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
