I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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