In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
