trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
