3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
