eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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