Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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