i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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