so explain again why im purple
no
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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