Someone shit on the floor
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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