I need help removing her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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