She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this is an emotional support booty call
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
