Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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