the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
