Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
