Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So much Jack, so little girl.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
