My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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