So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's shark week go big or go home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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