A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
