So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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