holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
