Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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