Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
