Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.