Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.