I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We are two peas in an std pod
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
