Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.