I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
