There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
