his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
