I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
