He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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