and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
