the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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