Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
