Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ttyl tear gas
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
