i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
