What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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