We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
