i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
