found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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