everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
