hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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