At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
