Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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