i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
